How others act matters so much less than how you respond to it.

Control- you see people seizing it as they can over others every day, and everywhere.  A mother and a child interact.  Mother squelches each query with: "Because I say so".  A manager has a battle of wills with employees as she micromanages her staff.   A leader pulls his sway, like a rug from beneath his people, causing unbalance and harm.  

Do you know what it is like to feel so out of control of a situation?  Do you involuntarily react to the pattern that has been established by your mother, your boss, your trusted leader.  Do you take this unwanted, out of control situation wholly upon yourself, and then throw yourself into the vile maelstrom, sometimes becoming a person that you really do not like being?

Here is good news for all of us: Our mindfulness can replace the patterns of our reactions.

Most people in our country have been conditioned by our culture that we should jump into action whenever there is an “emergency”.   Western medicine is top-notch in saving people’s lives that are on the brink of death.  We are a people of reacting rather than being mindful with pro-active thoughtfulness.  Mindfulness begins with recognizing that there is a challenge to overcome, a pattern to change, a direction to evolve.  How can you alter your behavior if you do not pin-point that which you wish to change?  

Consider next the manner you would like to use to respond to a nagging child, a bossy manager, a leader that takes advantage of his people.  Realize that their behavior patterns will not readily change, until they see you break the pattern.   Even then, some people’s patterns are so rooted within them and may never be what you consider ‘evolved’.  How others act matters so much less than how you respond to it.

Each new event in life is a paradigm- we set the stage for ritual, rules and patterns each time something shifts in our lives.  For example: You get a new job.  Did you get there early, late, on time?  If you were late, you may consciously shift your pattern to leave earlier from your home, or find an alternate route to take to your destination; or you may not choose to change, or even recognize there is a need to change something, and you set the pattern for arriving late daily.  Now you are labeled by your co-workers and stuck in this uncomfortable pattern.  The more people that confirm the pattern that you establish, and the more often/longer the pattern takes place, the more powerful it is, and the more difficult it will be to change.

Perhaps you’ve worked with someone that is overly sensitive, negative or aggressive.  Often the pattern that has been established is to ‘tippy-toe’ around that person’s inflammable nature, and you find yourself, (as do others who work there), walking on eggshells around them.   Take a moment to consider this situation.   What message do you and your co-workers give?  If you continue to ignore the problem and do not provide an alternative pattern, you are empowering the reactive person to continue to be reactive.

You have more power than you realize to change yourself and how you interact with your world.  You can propel yourself to become something even greater than you are right now.  Every moment is an opportunity- we are creatures of Free Will, and we do not need to be harnessed by our instincts, or our pattern of reactions.

Be a leader within yourself.  When you have inner control, you do not seek to take control from others.  You see the situation from a place of peace, of confidence, of reason.  It is then that you can empower others to learn, to change, to grow, to take accountability and rise up from that dark, miserable pattern.