Who Teaches Us More- Our Parents or Our Children?

Childhood Reflections in Parenting

Children are a joy, an open invitation to sharing the delights of now and a door connecting us to simpler pleasures.

The relationship between child and parent is one of the most intimate experiences we will ever have.  We are called to reveal vulnerabilities.  This is our strength and boon.

One of the very first things my daughter taught me was that she was paying close attention to me.

Often when she was a baby, I would hold her close to me and dance while playing music.  When she was tired it would simply be her held against me resting her head on my shoulder, my hand on her back, patting and gently rubbing as we swayed.  It was soothing, nice, comforting.

Then one day, I noticed that my infant daughter was patting my back, too.  Wait a minute.....?!?  She was patting my back?  Holy cannoli - she was communicating loving me back!   Soooo sweet, awww, such lovingness- I was all gooshy of course, until I got a big, fat ole smack of sobering reality: She mimicked my method exactly.  I had better be darned sure that I modeled things consciously and well for this new relationship I'd signed up being responsible for rearing.

And then, something else occurs to me- perhaps she had been communicating love to me even before I noticed.  Perhaps she had done something with saliva and bubbles and that was her actual first attempt at extending her love to me.  I just didn't understand enough to see it and acknowledge it for what it was.

Two bits of parenting wisdom gleaned from this:

Your child is paying attention to everything you do.  

What am I teaching her when I react to something without thinking about it first?  If I make up an excuse instead of being accountable, what does that teach her is acceptable? What gift do I offer her when I tell her what to think rather than asking her what she thinks?  If I am distracted when someone is talking to me, what is that teaching her about respect?

Are you paying attention to everything your child does, too?  

Do I notice how she reacts to things?  Do I know what is important to her?  Can I figure out why she's quiet or stubborn or obtuse or loud or caustic or distracted or distracting?  Can I acknowledge what truly brings her happiness?  Can I recognize what she is putting out there?  Do I know when she is asking for help, or letting me know she cares? 

Parenting and being a kid is not for the weary of heart.  It takes stamina and conscious loving thought for both people in the relationship to thrive. 

So give yourself a break; give your kid a hug. 
You get what you put out there, so put out lots of love.