Collapsing the Duality Within

Each of us harbor these two inner conflicts:

The fear of being controlled or forced.  

No one likes being told what to do, forced into doing something they don't like, don't believe in or made to do something without consent.

The fear of being abandoned or rejected.

No one wants to be left alone in their time of financial need, emotional depression, physical ailment or any low point in their life.

No one wants either of these things in a relationship.  All of us have endured experiencing it.

When threatened, is it "Fight or Flight?"

"Float like a butterfly or sting like a bee?"
Realize that you have more than two choices.

.

When we take time to consider these two deep inner fears, we are better equipped to understand the reasoning behind the actions of self and others.  If either of these tender wounds becomes threatened, we retreat into our well-grooved "fight or flight" reactive response patterns.

One who fears being controlled by another may overtly force others, daring another to take it from him; likewise for fear of being controlled, one may flee physically or emotionally.

One who fears abandonment may assert control over a relationship, building co-dependance, coercion and other imbalances; likewise one who is fearful of being abandoned or rejected may never open up to allow himself to receive it, fleeing even the possibility.

Look to yourself and notice if any of your behavior reflects reactions such as these to relationships.  Being mindful of these patterns in others allows us to use empathy and compassion in our interactions, for we understand they come from a wounded place themselves.  Notice where you may be allowing yourself to be controlled or abandoned in your life.  Go within and ask yourself why you are allowing this.  Find which fear is at the root of that which is keeping you from blissful success.  

Becoming aware is the first stage to make significant and lasting changes in life.  

Being mindful when taking action is the second: Be the change you wish to see.